…über Trump-Interviews

Trumps press conference was pure insanity, to begin with. The president-elect of the United States of America pretended to present a pile of paperwork as proof for how busy he was. The truth is even more disconcerting. Since Monday, news and columns are filled with an “interview” Trump supposedly had with two European newspapers. The Times (UK) published the full transcript of the conversation that was actually conducted by a media-dude (Kai Diekmann) and a british parliamentarian and pro-brexit campaigner (Michael Gove). Diekmann thankfully put its relevance into proper context in a subsequent interview with German newspaper FAZ (and others).

We have complemented the Times transcript with the missing parts for clarity**.

Diekmann: Mr. President-elect, your grandfather is from Germany*…

Trump: I have a love for Germany because my father came from Germany…

Diekmann: Errr… I thought, your grandfather is from Germany…?

Trump: I said my father is from Sweden, I wrote it in my book, excellent book you know? „The Art Of The Deal“. You can buy it everywhere, but not always: It is a bestseller, so it is mostly sold out. It is hard to buy. But if you can buy it, you can buy it everywhere. Bestseller. You wrote a bestseller, Kai? I did. But my father came from Germany not from Sweden, my ghostwriter mixed it all up, great guy, I love him, but poor research. Bad writer. Mixes things up. What a looser. Actually, my father was born in New York. My mother was from Scotland, great place. Germany is great. I mean, I’m very proud of Germany and Germany is very special Bad Dürkheim, right? This is serious Germany, right? Like this isn’t any question – this is serious Germany…

Diekmann: Serious! No doubt. Hey, Bad DÜRKheim! High fiv…

Trump: No, I’m very proud of Germany. I love Germany, I love the UK.

Diekmann: Have you ever been to Germany?

Trump: Yes…

Diekmann: Cool. Wow, Mr. President elect, you have been to Germany! Excellent.

Gove: Have you been to England?

Trump: Yepp. Many times.

Gove: STRIKE! See Kai?

Trump: My mother loved the ceremonial and the beauty, cause nobody does that like the English. Great golf resorts, great assets. We will make a trade deal quickly, environment and stuff. I like order. I like things done in an orderly manner. Theresa requested a meeting, to sort things out. I will be meeting with her – in fact if you want you can see the letter, wherever the letter is, she just sent it. I think we’re gonna get something done very quickly. Where’s that letter? I could show it to you if I found it… I like order.

Kai: Mr. President-elect, Donald, may I call you Big Donald, you said Angela Merkel’s policy on Syrian refugees was insane?

Big Donald: I Like her, I don‘t know her. And I like her but I think it was a mistake. And people make mistakes but I think it was a very big mistake. I think we should have built safe zones in Syria. Would have been a lot less expensive. Uh, get the Gulf states to pay for ’em who aren’t coming through, I mean they’ve got money that nobody has. Would have been a lot less expensive. You know, I mean, that’s The Art Of The Deal: Do something that you like and let someone else pay for it. The Mexicans will pay. Great wall, big structure, I like big structures. Walls! I mean fantastic. I want that wall and the Mexicans will pay for it. You had a wall in Germany, Kai. Did you pay for it?

Kai: Err… no…

Donald: See? I mean I know walls and things, build great structures. Big sacrifice for my country, I love my country, big sacrifice. I let the taxpayer pay for it, I mean I don’t pay taxes – this is confidential, Kai, don’t write that down. HEY KAI! – So, I mean, hey, if the taxpayer pays for it? Why would I pay for it? I wouldn’t do it if I had to pay for it. That’s smart. I like being smart.

Kai: Smart. You are so smart, Donald.

Mike: Syria? Iraq?

Donald: What a mess. It’s one of the great messes of all time. I looked at something, uh, I’m not allowed to show you because it’s classified – but, I just looked at Afghanistan and you look at the Taliban – and you take a look at every, every year its more, more, more, you know they have the different colors – and you say, you know – what’s going on?

Kai: What’s going on? I don’t know! It’s classified. Is it that folder there?

Donald: I don’t know. Mike?

Mike: Yeah, it could be that folder. It has „CLASSIFIED“ on it.

Donald: Oh all right, yeah, that’s it! Did you find the letter too? Yes, that’s the Taliban-folder, all these colors, see? I was looking for it for days. Here it is. See? Don’t look! So smart to have “CLASSIFIED” on it. You remember the folders during the press conference? We didn’t label them. It was a mess.

Mike: It is a mess. But who can you blame? Obama? Who do you blame? Pakistan? Who do you blame?

Kai: I also want to blame someone, we do that all the time in Bild… Who can we blame for the mess?

Donald: My cleaning lady. So nice. She’s Mexican. I love Mexicans, I love my cleaning lady, such a messy thing, all over the table, on the chairs. Don’t tell Ivan…Melania. Afghanistan is, is not going well. You know we have great military, we’re gonna have much greater military because we’re gonna have… don’t tell anyone…

Mike and Kai: No way!

Donald: …we’re gonna have great military, but we haven’t let our military win. I mean, why do you have military if it’s not gonna win? We will have great military again.

Mike and Kai: OK. Iraq, Afghanistan. Do you think that what’s happened in Syria now with Putin intervening is a good thing or a bad thing?

Donald: Aleppo was nasty. I mean when you see them shooting old ladies walking out of town — they can’t even walk and they’re shooting ’em — it almost looks like they’re shooting ’em for sport…

Mike: Putin shot old ladies for sport?

Kai: Shhh… taste the cookies. Great cookies.

Mike: Oh…

Kai: Iran…

Donald: I think it’s one of the dumbest deals I’ve ever seen, one of the dumbest, in terms of a deal. Where you give — where you give a $150 billion back to a country, where you give $1.7 billion in cash — did you ever see a million dollars in hundred dollar bills? It’s a lot. It’s a whole — it’s a lot. $1.7 billion in cash. Plane loads. Of, of — think of it — plane, many planes. Boom. $1.7 billion. I don’t understand. It just shows the power of a president — when a president of this country can authorize $1.7 billion in cash, that’s a lot of power. You know, all that money. I could authorize all that money, I mean look, Obama authorized billions. In cash. And I won! All that Power. On Friday! Oh man…

Mike: OK. Bizillions. Lots of money. Brexit. We do it, I wanted it. You know, I was Secretary of State for Justice.

Donald: Great. You are doing great. You said the EU costs a lot of money. You found out it was not that much. Right? After the referendum? But that was campaigning. I know that. Things are different after a campaign. Who cares?

Mike: Who cares! We won. The media is furious.

Donald: Honestly, the media, they don’t get it. So unfair. Are you really a journalist, Mike?

Mike: Well… I write things… I was Secretary of State for Justice you know, wanted to become prime minister…

Donald: Journalists are scum, dishonest people.

Mike: I am not a journalist.

Kai: I only publish stuff. No research and things.

Donald: Good. I mean, research? You know? I mean research is so disrespectful, look at it, it is basically fake news. Research is fake news, you know?

Mike: What is your view on the future of the European Union? Do you expect more countries to leave the European Union?

Donald: I think it’s tough. I spoke to the head of the European Union, very fine gentleman called me up.

Mike: Schulz?

Donald: Uh… I don’ know, I had the phonecall here somewhere…

Kai: Juncker?

Donald: Errr… I don’t… Yes, ah, to congratulate me on what happened with respect to the election. The UK wanted its own identity but, I do believe this, if they hadn’t been forced to take in all of the refugees, so many, with all the problems…

Kai: That was Germany. UK didn’t…

Mike: Shhh…

Kai: You are so successful, Donald, Billionaire, all that golden stuff, I adore you. You know things. As a successful businessman, do you trust the European currency?

Donald: Well, it’s doing OK. I mean, you know. What do you trust? I trust the dollar … sure I mean it’s a currency, it’s fine. But I do think keeping it together…

Kai: The Euro-Zone?

Mike: ???

Donald: …is not gonna be as easy as a lot of people think.

Mike: Who thinks it’s gonna be easy?

Kai: ???

Donald: I don’t know? Do you know? I don’t. But what I think is this: if refugees keep pouring into different part of Europe. I think it’s gonna be very hard to keep it together cause people are angry about it.

Kai and Mike: The EU?

Donald: I don’t know.

Kai: The Russia-Leaks, who do you think, then, is behind it all?

Donald: It’s fake news, it was totally made up and I just got a letter from people that went to Russia with me – did you see that letter? I cannot find it. What a mess – very rich people, they went with me, they said you were with us, I was with them, I wasn’t even here when they said such false stuff. I left, I wasn’t even there… I was there for the Miss Universe contest, got up, got my stuff and I left – I wasn’t even there – it’s all…

Mike: Who was where?

Kai: I’m lost…

Donald: I don’t know.

Kai: What?

Mike: Wow.

Kai: How is being president going to change how you operate?

Mike: Operate?

Kai: Shhh…

Donald: Ya know this is a very, very big change – I led a very nice life and ya know successful and good and nice and this is a lot different – but ya know my attitude on that is when you’re president, you’re in the White House which is a very special place – you’re there for a limited period of time – who wants to leave? Like I’ve liked President Obama, he’s been very nice, yeah he’s been nice one on one, but maybe not so nice in other ways – but who wants to leave the White House to go to some other place and be away on a vacation? The White House is very special, there’s so much work to be done, I’m not gonna be leaving much – I mean a lot of work to be done – I’m gonna be in there working, doing what I’m supposed to be doing – but who wants to leave the White House?

Kai: Good question. Who wants to leave the White House? You will be staying? You are not going to leave the White House? Ever?

Donald: Who wants to leave the White House?

Mike: Yeah.

Kai: When you’re president will you still tweet? Will it be as the Real Donald Trump, as Potus, or probably as Real Potus?

Mike: Good question, Kai. Big thing!

Donald: @realDonaldTrump I think, I’ll keep it… so I’ve got 46 million people right now – that’s a lot, that’s really a lot  but 46 million – including Facebook, Twitter and ya know, Instagram so when you think that your 46 million there, I’d rather just let that build up and just keep it @realDonaldTrump, it’s working – and the tweeting, I thought I’d do less of it, but I’m covered so dishonestly by the press – so dishonestly – that I can put out Twitter – and it’s not 140, it’s now 140, 280 – I can go bing bing bing and I just keep going and they put it on and as soon as I tweet it out – this morning on television, Fox — “Donald Trump, we have breaking news” – I put out a thing . . .

Kai: “Bing bing bing”, you are so smart, Donald.

Donald: But ya know the tweeting is interesting because I find it very accurate – when I get a word out and if I tell something to the papers and they don’t write it accurately, it’s really bad – they can’t do much when you tweet it and I’m careful about, it’s very precise, actually it’s very, very precise – and it comes out breaking news, we have breaking news – ya know, it’s funny, if I did a press release and if I put it out, it wouldn’t get nearly – people would see it the following day – if I do a news conference, that’s a lot of work.

Kai: That is so… amazing.

Mike: Enough of that… at least let me give you a copy of my book on how to fight terrorism.

Donald: A book?! Great! Good, I’d love that. I’ll have someone read it for me. That’s fantastic – how to fight terrorism, I can use that. That will help. Kai, did you write a book?

Kai: I brought you some pineapple-juice from my mom…

Donald: Even better. I love pineapple juice! How did you know? You are amazing, Kai.

Kai: [blushes]

 

* Text in blue: Times transcript. No shit!

** Text in black: Omissions added for clarity.

 


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